twinkletwinkleyoulittlefuck:

happybutts:

peacocks look like they speak french

(Source: llamasaremybestfriends)

rabioheab:

dear diary,

i finally got to 15 followers on tumblr. i’m trying really hard to not let the fame get to my head but it’s difficult. today some lady at the supermarket asked me if i wanted paper or plastic bags and i just f*****cking lost it i am too famous for her questions. i can’t believe i haven’t been asked to do a magazine cover yet. i feel like it is coming soon. 

aepicstranger:

thisretrodreamisneverending:

In physics the other day my teacher started having this coughing fit

so he says ‘I THINK SATAN IS CHOKING ME’

and I just went ‘Sorry’ and he stopped coughing

omg I think everyone in my class is terrified now.

i am still laughing at this from like twenty minutes ago

(Source: neverendingretrodream)

jpierrepontcriss:

my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home

goddammitganon:

fun fact i learned yesterday: a group of pugs is called a “grumble”